A Guy Could Never Get Away With This...

In this day and age of posting selfies all over the internet, can we just take a break from the vanity of these images that say "Look at me! Being a bit out of shape is empowering, look at my curves, I like me." I agree that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, but imagine if a dude posted a pic with that phrase. It would be a total joke. Like that picture of Jason Alexander shirtless on the couch they use to sell in every college campus book store. I'm out of shape myself, but I don't go around wearing it like a badge of honor for attention. Sorry, but nobody wants to see Chumley from Pawn Stars flaunting his gut. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Selena Gomez is a nice, talented actor, and she's not even fat imo. But her music is exactly what's wrong with the industry today. You go from the Disney Channel, to recording an album called "Selena Gomez and The Scene" Please just stop. There is no band called The Scene behind you, just mega producers programming your music. That is something the record executives came up with to try and give her some credability before she 'offically' goes solo. You think her and her band were out busking for quarters on the street and playing dive bars before they became famous. This is all a manufactured marketing strategy. But these celebrities posting these pics all over Twitter has to stop. It reminds me of when that narcissist Tyra Banks went on her talk show defending fat pics that were taken of her by the paparazzi on a beach. She tells her female audience, "Yeah I got a jelly roll, and I love every extra inch!", and of course the whole audince goes crazy. Then three months later she's back telling her crowd "I've lost 14lbs and look at me now. Tyra's back!" Kim K has to be the worst at this, she's a complete attention whore, famous for being famous. (I have a story about meeting her husband Kanye West but I'll save that for another time) Sorry for the rant, but these celebrities who constantly revel in their own ego just irk me to the bone. This post may not fall under music or comedy, but it is one of my many thoughts on life so there you have it. Maybe next week I'll post a selfie with my shirt pulled up (ala Situation from Jersey Shore), except my six pack is in the negatives. Hmmm, then again...     

I got into a Twitter war with Taylor Swift's Guitarist

Okay, let me just start this post off by saying I don't completely hate pop music, or country music, or rap music. I respect all genres. I really do. But I'm a rock guy, plain and simple. I play a real instrument. I write real songs with real musicians. So what I saw the other day just made me run to Twitter... and oh how I wish I hadn't. After watching Taylor Swift perform live on TV, two things stuck out. First, I realized I knew her guitar player (Grant Mickelson - we went to the same high school), and two, his guitar wasn't even plugged in. (In all fairness, he may have been using a wireless transmitter.) Then, I realized something else. Are there even guitars in Taylor Swift's music? I mean, the old stuff sure, you hear some. But the new stuff? It's all programmed drivel. EVERYTHING. What happened to real instruments? So I followed Grant on his feed and within the course of maybe 6 weeks, he posted picture after picture of guitars that I could only dream of owning. "Hey guys, I just picked up this killer '59 Les Paul Gold-Top once owned by Jimi Hendrix.. see you at the next show Tokyo!" FML. Remember the guy in school whose parents bought him that super fast sports car and a week later he wrecks it so they buy him another one? Or he ends up burning out the clutch on his Mustang because he never learned how to drive a stick shift? Grant is this Napoleon looking, eye liner wearing, spandex leather clad wannabe douchebag who stands up there pretending to play rock star every night because he happened to make the right connections in Nashville or wherever the hell Big machine Records collected her backing band from. While real Napoleon looking, eye liner wearing, spandex leather clad musicians like Ratt and Poison are regulated to playing county fairs and have to work day jobs. In all honestly, I don't hate Grant, I actually think he's a smart guy and hell... if I was asked to play guitar for Kelly Clarkson or Rhianna, sign me up because I could use those checks. I just wish pop tarts like Taylor Swift and Katy Perry would stop trying to act like they need a band of teenage wannabe hipsters with expensive clothes and vintage instrumnents behind them to add credibility to their songs. Come on, we all know mega-producers like Dr. Luke and Max Martin wrote those tracks for you. Yeah, I'm a bit jealous. And I should have kept my mouth shut about it. After throwing a couple of barbs back and forth it wasn't long before Taylor Swift's personal fan club army of 14 year old girls came after me and let me have it with some serious trash talking. I even had to close my Twitter account. So there you have it. Taylor 1: Luke 0. I learned my lesson. But Grant, next time the band is in town, let me come up on stage for just one song. I promise I'll plug in for it.